Dear
Fire,
You're back again?! Already? C'mon, you visit more often than my parents. In fact, I called my parents and accidentally, callously commented, "Can you believe the stupid mountains are on fire AGAIN?" Really. You are making me a bad person. This time can you just burn all the chapparral, be over with and stay away... even just for a year? I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Amanda
P.S. I'd also really, really appreciate if you could not burn people's houses down (and more selfishly if you could keep blowing all the smoke out to sea. I really, really, really hate when you coat everything in nasty, sooty ash).